Confessions

Furtive glances at you
From the mirror in front of me
You look delicious
You is all I can see
I can be a good girl another day
Just for this moment, let me have my way.

{{Dedicated to pastries, chocolates, and men}}

Working Hard-LEE !!

We once played this game.. each sentence ending with LEE.. Bruce Lee, Sara Lee, Onlee, Junglee, hardlee.. and on and on. however, as usal.. that is not the subject of this post. . just a teaser (remember "the erection"?)..

Interestingly, the main subject is even more interesting. Its about how hard we work at work. So my question to you.. how many of you think that you are working too hard or your company is taking too much off you??

I see many hands.. and the truth remains .. that yes they are the blood suckers who want to take away the last drop of life we have at our disposal. All companies should make 5 days off and two days working... (from home).

I just did some basic calculation to see exactly how hard we work. And I am sharing the results with you. The calculations are based on the Hard-Lee Working Calculation Model (with due respect and credits to the founder.. which is me ;P)



Interestingly, even if you dont consider the efficiency losses, we only work for 61% (or 75% for the unfortunate souls) of the days we are actually paid for. And if you legitimately adjust for the efficiency losses.. {which i have assumed a very honest figure of approx 1.5 hours per day for people not working on saturdays (that makes approx 1 day loss per week).. and since I am well aware how much peopple work on sacond half of saturday.. I have plus 0.5 loss for them)...we are working for only 46% of the days we are actually paid for!!!

Those that work in PSUs would be happier... since they have a much larger pool of PLs..

Hence my hard working friends, no matter how hard they try to demotivate us... we will still be working hard-Lee!! ;P !

Three questions on three things

Chats
Do three question marks together make it a bigger question?
Is hmm different from hmmm?
Don’t three dots suffice... ?

Chicks
Is hot always dumb?
What is the opposite of hot?
Is sexy always good at sex?


Chutkulas
Why are all jokes poor jokes?
Can there be a good poor joke?
Would good jokes be funny?

Zuk Goes to Work

#1
Boss: Is it done?
Zuk: It not Done.. its Dun-can..Ducan James. He is a boyband Blue’s member and recently admitted being bisexual. But why are you asking about him in the middle of work?

#2
Boss: I don’t remember my desk number... I have weak memory {winks}
Zuk: That’s fine sir... Even I don’t remember mine... coz I don’t have one!! {rolls}

(The fact that Zuk finds it funny while his boss doesn’t makes it all the more funny)

#3
Boss: You have been working on this for a while... what is your deadline?
Zuk: This. {Makes a horizontal line in air with his thumb, right below his chin}

#4
Boss: We have been looking at sources of interest free credit.
Zuk: Ah... once upon a time... free press used to give credit for your good actions without any material interest. Now even they are interested in TRPs!!

#5
Client on phone: I am visiting from Delhi. Can you give me directions to reach your office?
Zuk on phone: Sure. First of all… take a taxi and go to the Delhi domestic airport {silent giggle}

Dimension Z

Abstract, absent yet absolute..

Defined limitless boundaries

A point in time beyond eternity

Reaching out

Folding in.. contained within

In my head

Dimension Z.

I.m.a.g.i.n.a.t.i.o.n.

This one is on fantasizing.

Stop imagining right there.

I know I am choosing a very boundless topic and by virtue of which I might have already invoked certain naughty expectations in my readers. And going by the trend these days, the creative ones would have already imagined the details I could go into - that much for the pleasure of imagining.

However, I am going to be very seedha and shareef and only talk about stuff you don’t need to censor by Bollywood standards (well.. that too before the times of Imraan Hashmi), where the limit is two chrysanthemums locking heads!

So anyway.. i’ll first bore you with the story of how I thought of this topic. I’ll be brief. See this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mV39ozcAUzM

Ok you are in love. Ok you can’t get him/her. But beyond that?

I wonder if anyone actually imagines stuff like that. Or maybe, we do (and don’t tell). Afterall, the beauty of fantasy is in the freedom to fanaticize...

So go ahead.. take a moment off and smile at that thought that once crossed your mind and you never shared it with anyone :).

Naughty!!

Women are watching you!

Irrespective of what gender you are, most of you must have heard/seen guys checking out and discussing girls. My female readers would have even participated in these “male” conversations, putting forward their own expert views on the dressing, hair, attitude etc of the subject.

Guys have an “eye for detail” when it comes to checking out girls. They would notice things as little as the flower prints on a girls’ socks or how her lips look pink when she is nervous, because she has been biting them. But all that is normal. Guys are like that.

Now here is a revelation.. even girls are very very detailed when it comes to checking out guys. Yes. Every girl, no matter how sweet, simple, innocent.. takes time of her goodness and casts her not-so-goody-two-shoes intentions on the men that unknowingly tread into her radar.

If I were to explain what things guys notice in girls, it wouldn’t be news. So I’ll introduce you to the World of “woman bird-watching” or rather women b’ea’rd watching!

She walks into his office. He is a young, dynamic 30 something, running his own small proprietary firm. He leans over to shake hands with her and she notices him. Beep beep. Catch in the radar.

She takes 20 seconds to check him out from top to desk (remaining of him was hidden behind the big ugly desk..urghhh!!). White shirt, wet hair, starry eyed, polite, wide shoulders, nice hairy strong arms, pink lips!! (and a bonus.. pretty mole just a centimetre above it!). Ofcourse she was smiling.

He reciprocated with a smile. OMG! Kaatil smile. The rest was music.

And by the way. They even nickname their targets – Dimpu (the dimpled sweetheart), PL (Mr pink lips), MG (Maha Gunda – The guy who intimidates), Pinky (The guy who looked like the cartoon character in “Pinky and the Brain” on cartoon network) and many more.

Men don’t get insecure. Just groom well. Your admirers are watching you. :)

Gulmohar

They are not green.

If you remember the gulmohar trees on the way to your school, or along that sunny road on summer afternoons, you'll know what I am visualizing.

The pretty red flowers of gulmohar tree that bloom on hot extremely sunny summers are a respite to anyone's eyes. They make a thirsty, sweaty and half blinded traveller believe that shade is around the corner, that its possible to stand calm even in this extreme weather, that there is beauty even in barren pastures.

You must know all this about gulmohar trees. But what you don't know is that gulmohar trees are not an Indian specie of trees. They are from Madagascar.

Yes..you got it right.. from the land of "You like to move it move it!"

Now the unfortunate side of these pretty somethings is that they do not attract the local birds. This is not good news for the birds. Not even for us. We don't want our Indian birds to hang up there in air, just because we like looking at red flowers on trees.

So I am writing this note to spread the awareness, so that next time you decide to plant a tree, you know your bird's opinion and mine too.

Plus, the sparrows I think have become extinct. Let me know if you spot one.. I am keeping count. There are 3000 tigers left, I don't know if sparrows are ahead of them or behind.

When Erection is a problem

I know what you are thinking. But I am not talking about that which you think I am.
I am talking about steel structures instead.

Its a cheap publicity gimmick to get readers to start reading this piece which deals with a complex engineering construction related subject. But I guess all is fair in blog publicity and war.

Steel structures, for the uninitiated, are basically heavy multi-story high-rise buildings made entirely out of steel. Such structures are composed of complex nutting and bolting together of heavy steel beams, columns, and bracings to form the main skeleton and then wrapped in steel cladding. This building is then furnished to cover up the steel and enhance the structure aesthetically. It basically leads to doing away with the entire conventional RCC framework. Now although this technology is being widely used globally for fast track heavy construction, India is yet to completely adapt to it.

This is when you should be asking why?

Experts believe that one of the key challenges for this industry in India is a lack of “erection” capability. Here you go. I have busted the mystery. I am talking about erection of steel fabricated structures. India doesn’t have enough contractors who possess the expertise to erect this type of structures.

But that is not the point I am trying to make. The key message that I am manoeuvring my way into is how important context is while you ascribe a meaning to anything. One word can swing into two entirely different contexts and have completely different meanings. And worse is that you can’t always react to it the same way, just because you reacted in a particular way in one particular context.

Hence, next time, don’t laugh at a double meaning joke. Roll at it. Because the beauty of the joke lies in the fact that its funny both ways!! Most words (or phrases) aren’t that lucky, they are often comprehended in the wrong contexts and lead someone into rocky waters. However, double meaning jokes are like palindromes of humour...funny both ways.. you can call them “palindumour”!!

The last one was not a double meaning joke... it was poor joke :P.


Tell me that my blog now officially sucks.

Miss K Confessions

Two years ago she was 2008-10-028 Sana Khan - A small name lost in a long list. A tiny girl hidden in the world of giant outspoken men and women. A girl who was only known to her close friends and closed at that. She had a big designation on her resume. Miss AVP.

But then, they discovered her. Somewhere in the middle benches of a 61 faced class where there sure was a “No 19” but actually no 19. In that chronicle of incredible talent she was 28. Sandwitched right between the finance God Rajarasmus and the page 3 goddess Rani of Ranchi. This was a land of opportunities. A land of new beginnings. She always thought she was a square peg in a round hole. But in this magical land, each peg was unlike the other and each one great in some way. You didn’t really had to fit in. You had to stand out.

The adventures of Jumanji were dwarfed in front the adventurous narrations of “Jijoji”. Narrations of stories in his life, in my life, in the life of the dog at the corner, etc or even in the life of Tushar Kapoor. She learnt story telling from him.

She learnt to “focus focus focus”. Focus on life. Focus on fun and focus on the power of networking.

Although she had no option to choose her co-dweller, she landed up with the perfect one. The Brightest star. The strategic star who loved bikes and automotive engineers ;).

In this land of magic, she discovered men who could really stand tall at times difficult and dark. They were the “tower” of strength. She learnt being positive from them.

There was also a “smoke buddy”, she found. The one that made all worries fly off like smoke. She learnt being fun from him.

She moved around in circles of scholarly intellect and remained a quiet listener most of the times. But those silent conversations, left her more learned than the books she never read.

She met lovers. “Lover of dogs”, “lovers of moon”, “lovers of skinny pleasures”, and “lovers faking not being in love”. She learnt love from them. And she loved those who loved her back, even those who didn’t.

She was no longer another face in a crowd. She was Miss K. She was Miss PGA. She was what she is today.

To all the people who made it worth the stay.

Tabula Rasa

The only place where it is less painful to fall in than come out is love-ville. Thats such a cheesy topic for a blog post that comes after a hundred years.

I just watched an old time favourite “Shall we dance” and thats where the thoughts came from. Well... that and other thoughts.

My life is a tabula rasa (thats a new word I have learnt and I totally love it. Plus its relevant here). All over again. I am not in love. I am not even in school anymore.

Its like the life cycle of a butterfly. Starts with egg, larva, caterpillar, cocoon and then flies out a beautiful colourful two (or is it four?) winged dancing butterfly...

... and then strangely enough.. the circle is closed back at the egg. I always wondered how the butterfly turns into the egg back again. As it turns out.. it graduates from a business school.

So here I am, angel faced cherub who just landed on the corporate planet and taking my shaking first steps all over again. Or am I fakign it?

Lol.. Its like I am trying to convince myself to be a certain way that a “new” guy is supposed to be. Irresponsible, inefficient and essentially a Y-type of personality. I mostly enjoy it. I have been trained for two years and given an additional degree for being that way. But sometimes I don’t. And I think of quitting..

Its strange. When you are doing something for the first time it is understandable to say that you don’t know how you are supposed to behave because you have never done it before. Its true for me also. I have never done a second time before!!

I am mostly talking non-sense and posting it on the web. But that is purely because I am feeling extremely confused and worthless and want to fake (yet again) that I am atleast doing something interesting. Please bare with me.

I’ll be back.


PS: Ever wondered why a butterfly is called a “butter” – fly. I am almost imagining a 500gram Amul butter slab gliding in air.

Facebook Vs Phonebook

Social networking is important. Erstwhile, people networked via letters, then came phones and now its the virtual world. The virtual world is new, exciting and offers you an opportunity to be a person of your imagination! The virtual life is perfect, and if not, it can be easily mended. Just yesterday, I got a "frand" request from this person, who made a new orkut profile and mentioned upfront "that this is not my real profile... I am starting a new "virtual life" since I was bored of the last one. I am making new friends, add mee if you want to have some fun"... Makes me wish if our lives were as simple, that we could delete one profile and start a fresh one when things get messy!!

Anywho, coming back to where I started from, phonebooks or rather fonebooks are fast being replaced by facebook... but here is an interesting observation on this..

fonebook = f-one-book

while facebook = f-ace-book

now one = numero uno = ace

Hence, fonebook = facebook !!!! <<>>>

Now this is what you call self explanatory phenomenon.. There is actually no transition.. just translation :D

(PS: If you were wondering when do I think of all crappy stuff.. I must remind you that I am an MBA student and that too in second year )

Zukisms!!

Letters

Series #1, Volume #4

On his way to the post office, to post new years greetings..

Zuk: Letters have become so rare these days.. no one writes to anyone.. for love atleast.

Zak: Well..letters are no longer important.. there is orkut, and fb and buzz...

Zuk: Hell no.. letters are very important.. they make all the difference!

Zak: How?

Zuk: Well.. Is your underpant news?

Zak: Wtf! Why would it be news for anyone? Just because I got new ones.. it wouldn’t be news!

Zuk: Hehe.. but new it is.. just one letter made all the difference.. :P..

Zukisms !!!

The Haircut

Series #1, Volume # 3

Zuk has just had a new haircut at a stylish uber-cool saloon with an extremely shaven look.

Zak: I see.. something is new.. Did you get a haircut?

Zuk: No.. its autumn and I am shedding!!

Zak: Haha.. but seriously.. what made you go for this next to nothing look?

Zuk: Fashion mags are saying the lesser the better.. skimpy is in.. so here I am.. skimpy from head to toe...node to node..

Zak: But you are fully clothed! Whats node?

Zuk: Head is bare and I have a hole in my socks.. start node to end node .. :P

Zukisms!!

Series #1;Vol #2

14^th February 2010

Zuk is spending his V-day lunch at a food court in the city mall

Tingle: What is the difference between “crush” and “love”?

Zuk: Well.. the difference is of taste...and of chronology..

Tingle: Taste ? What is love..hot? spicey? And whats the deal with order?

Zuk: If you crush before you love then its sweet .. but if you love before you crush.. its Eww!!

Tingle: Intense stuff! .hmm.. that was about love and the likes.. now tell me..what about friendship?

Zuk: I don’t believe in friendship..its not real…

Tingle: What..why??

Zuk: Its Tropicana !!! :P :P